Mentally Fucked-Up?!

i think i have some kind of metally disorder, not literally. I did delete the most-viewed post accidentally, what a great job for today aside from my fucked-up childish yet accidental act by pressing all the floor buttons in the elevator while a man still stay inside who looked like catch up the time, sort of in hurry.

A Thin Red Line Between Realistic and Surrender

I did finally make my decision, i chose to work in Japanese Trading Company  as the sales administration. It's totally different with my educational background, huh?! at first, i intended to work in totally different field with my study, for specific, i actually wished for working in social or charity purposes world organization ( as it has been told in previous post ) but the reality is kind of difficult for fresh graduate with almost zero experience like me to be employed in that kind of world organization ( based on my observation during my volunteering in UNICEF). Second, only this Japanese company ( so far ) which show their interest to employ me, thus they seem have no intention to make a complicated contract or rules ( they didn't even put some 6000 rupiah-stamp on the signed contract papers, hah! ). So, i did thinking to realize that it's pretty good to experience a job that has quite good salary and not-so binding contract. Speaking of the job itself, only God knows how it will be, i hope it won't make me stress out and most important, the company's ambience will be warm and friendly ( fingers crossed ). I will start work on next wednesday on 3 months probation under the supervisor of automotive part division. One of the saddest part of taking this job offer is i will no longer tutoring Britney and Westley who have been my students since two years ago. Due to the distance from my office to their house which completely far and impossibly catch up the time especially in rush-hours route in the evening, so i sadly determine to stop tutoring them, i wish they could find the way way better tutor than me . I know deep down my heart that i wish for another job, the one that closest to my will is becoming quotation executive in some global travel, but they haven't called me so far, it will be so damn gambling if i turned down the japanese's offer and hoping or waiting uncertain job offer from that travel which i'm quite not believe to happen. I guess i'm becoming unrealistic and greedy day by day. Now, i'm not trying to give up on my dream, i just being realistic and hey.. i need money as well. I keep telling myself that if i wanted to achieve my dreams, i would have to be patience and keep fighting step by step. I won't forget or even back myself off from my dream, but i need to keep it slow for a moment. Moreover, i'm looking forward for bigger plans like waiting and wishing for the result of US scholarship and who knows the job offer in that big soda company. Goodspeed. 

The Object of My Obsession

“Start spreading the news
I am leaving today
I want to be a part of it
New York, New York…”

Geez.. I wish I could say those words someday. Only God and I who really know how it feels like, having this kind of dream yet obsession to be New Yorker.  It was started off by watching teen-flick Hollywood movies when I was in Junior High. Spending my teen phase by watching Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes who were living their American Dreams and zooming in the hilarious life of NYC on screen was nothing but fun. The images of if you could make living in NYC, nothing wouldn’t matter, has been haunting me for years, thus it has encouraged me to have a faith and pursue it no matter how tough it will be. Somehow, I have no idea what kind of things that has made me loving this city, it’s surely a big city, crazy rush-hours in every single day, crowded, crappy as a hell sometimes or always, but still,  I know I always want to go there. You will say that my reason is kind of lame, cheesy and random, but then, that’s the unidentified obsession I have had for so long.  I almost made a way to US last year, but it was like God had to postpone it and found me the better way to be there. So, last year I flunked the chance to study in US. This almost the end year of 2012 I did try one chance to study there but the result hasn’t come yet so far. I wish I could make it ( Hopefully). If I had chance to step on that dream land, I would do Kayang in front of Liberty Statue ( I will surely keep my promise ).  Lastly, I will definitely post that epic-pose photo in every reachable social medias that I have.

Jobseeker

It’s been ages since I wrote my last story, and here I’m writing in the midst of my probably last days of volunteering at UNICEF office, Jakarta. How do I end up volunteering here?! It’s long story indeed, so many things have happened to me, good and bad. This year finally I have completed my 4-years-study in UI, yes, I finally hold S.Hum degree ( fyi S.Hum stands for Sarjana Humaniora) without writing thesis. I chose completing my study by fulfilling the maximum credits instead of writing thesis. It was a confusing decision before, at one point, it was such a waste if I had to graduate without writing thesis, the fruits of my 4 years period of study, the other side, it was a risky thing to write thesis in my condition ( majorly, because of my major ) but overall I got no gut to risk everything ( the deadline of 4 years study, lack of confident, lack of knowledges and so many excuses I could think of ). So, on 7^th September 2012, I’m officially a Sarjana Humaniora, good bye college and hello real world. The real world is truly a fucking hard to be tamed. It can be seen by the long journey that I have taken to be land on this kind of condition. Finding job that both suit your passion and intuition is truly challenging. I used to think that being an employee who wears fancy suit and killer heels and working for some company in Sudirman or Kuningan area would be an ideal job for me. The reality was totally biting me. At first, finding a job which completely different field with your educational background plus lacking of work experience combine with average skill is totally fricking hard. In addition, if u still have the confusion on your passion of work, it’s double hit me on the face. I have been through the phase where I trust my ability to pity my ability and trust it again, so that my emotion was so fluctuate. Even in lebay mode on, I found myself to ask God to make me disappear from this world, mostly because of the pressure and pride of myself. The funny thing is, I wasn’t pushed for finding a perfect or ideal job by my family, they were supporting me in my way to find a good job. All I could think at that time was almost all my friends had already left the start line while me was leaving behind and stuck in that line ( for those jobseekers out there, you must know what my feeling was). At that time, I couldn’t stop comparing myself with them, I really looked at pity at myself. They could be successful in first trial of their job interview while me had to be thrown from one interview to another interview. Thus, I thought I wasn’t a good enough bachelor, so all the employers who have been interviewing me were turning me down. This kind of thought occurred at first months of my post-graduation celebration, consuming me both inside and out.

Speaking of passion, I thought I would end up working in media or broadcast field, but the truth is all I want to do is travelling, and at last being New Yorker. As the time passed by and I have experienced working my ass off for interviewing, moreover observe people who work 8-5 in a week and lot of struggling and thinking in public transportation, I eventually know that I want to work in social and charity purposes at world organization such UNICEF, UNESCO or USAID and so on. As for me, money is surely important and can buy anything you want. Yet that’s not the point, I feel so blessed to have this kind of life, being young and free to experience anything as long as I have will to do so. In addition, what’s is more important than living the happiness by sharing it to the others?!. As the matter of that, I have determined myself to focus on pursuing job that related to that purpose, so that I applied for intern and volunteer in UNICEF. So here I am, landing on the UNICEF office in Jakarta as the volunteer who has to substitute Mba Ratih ( the PSFR assistant due to wedding holiday for less than a month ). It is a good opportunity to know better this organization and well, taste the working ambience as the preparation for the real work later. To be honest, the work itself is kind of boring, it’s fully computer based work. I have to check the names of donors, their available contact numbers and making data around the donors. I don’t get paid for it except the transportation fee and every lunch I have to spend my money for the expensive foods. It’s so ironic but at least I have the experience, getting know a lot of kinds of people from different background who really devote themselves to their precious job. I thought I would have a chance to be employed here, but it’s kind of impossible for fresh graduate like me now. So now, next week I will turn the new page of my life, my new and real job in some Japanese Trading company, I hope it will be a good stepping stone of my career, Amen. Godspeed!