A Friend in need is a friend indeed

I have ever posted about my gang-gals called REMBERS who consist of  9 super awesome friends that you could ever imagine in my first writing and yes I love them so much. Now, I wanna tell you a story about one of them, a girl who can let you think over your dream, believe it and make it happen (sounds like Agnes Monica's twitter bio hahah). We call her Mbae, she's originally come from Surabaya, Jawa Timur and has Madura ethnic in her blood. This Madura-bloodline naturally has formed her into a tough girl. She has no fear of  telling people on how her feeling toward that person and yes to be honest sometimes it would insult them but she's totally cool with people's reaction on her outspoken act. She's so sensitive and I've ever told that she can read people's character but she admit it as her long observation on that people. She's one of the person with critics and a smart ass in term of  history. 

One of the devastating moment was when she had to lose her mom when we were in second year of college due to cervical cancer. At that time she become an orphanage girl and I couldn't imagine my life if I had to be in her shoes. She's also known as a girl with the high pride and dignity among REMBERS and sometimes if we want to help her in term of money, we were kind of afraid that she would reject it and get her pride hurt or something. Thus, honestly, in this Rembership (my gang friendshipness) we're not reluctant to lend a hand to help each other and yes that's what friends are for. As time passed and so does our wisdom rises, we find that this rembership become one of the bond that keep us together, tougher and stronger especially in the hard period of studying chinese, (true story). Our Mbae also changed, she's not that girl who is feeling offended or get her pride hurt every time we want to share or help her ( she's not the vulnerable girl that often need help, we just like to help each other anyway). 

I gotta tell that she's the only one of my friend that know almost all of my kegalauan and dark ages. I feel that if I tell her anything that bother me a lot, she would give words that totally can comfort me in surprise way. If I had a hard time, I would come to her and hope for her words. She is totally a person who I can talk to without hesitant and embarrassment if I talk about my bad thoughts or attitude. One thing for sure, despite of her hardship as an orphanage who has to stand on her own feet in order to survive in city, she can manage a good model on me to show that live life to the fullest and pursue your dream. She's going to Taiwan this August ( yeah she's chosen as one of six TETO scholarship grantee ) to study there for one year and yes she's now in her effort to make money in order to survive in first month of her study in Taiwan. She also inspire me to keep calm and lean on God every time I'm dying to get out of the hardship. I'm gonna miss her so much, since we're gonna be separated for the next one year.

Beyond My Wildest Fanfic

       Finally, I can remember my blog's email and password. So, it's the last-two day on June and here I am waiting for my scholarship package from Suzhou University (fingerscrossed). I haven't made official announcement that FINALLY  I'VE  BEEN ACCEPTED TO SUZHOU UNIVERSITY IN CHINA TO STUDY ONE-WHOLE-FYEAR OF CHINESE. Yeaaayy..I'm gonna study in China for one year, I'm gonna have my very first experience of going abroad in my 23-years of life. I'll have a first stamp on the first page of my brand new passport ( OK call me norak or something ). Yet,actually, I'm friggin' nervous about my plan to study in Suzhou, China, why?

1. I forgot to fill in my current address on my scholarship application with my kosan address, instead, I filled in it with My Grandpa's address. Fortunately, someone whom I know on chinese forum that I've joined to keep up with the scholar's info has told me to contact the international office staff in Suzhou to tell them my current address or my latest acceptance mailing address has changed. It worked and they asked me the address and will inform me later about the admission letter,  JW202 form , med-check form, etc.

2. I haven't received any official email from Suzhou University to congratulate me on my success to become their soon-to-be student for the next one year. I even have to contact with them first because I need them to know that my acceptance mailing address was different with what's on my application form. 

3.   On financial side, I don't even know if I could manage to collect 10 millions rupiah something in order to survive in the first weeks of living in Suzhou plus all the tetek-bengek of preparation to China.

          Yet, I really really grateful that God finally answer all of my kegalauan for these past 9 months. I even posted on my previous post that I was dying to get out of my sicko-daily routine that has consumed me alive for these past months. It's totally beyoooonnnddd my wildest fanfic and still can't believe my luck. You will when you believe is no longer a dreamy catch-phrase for me. THANK GOD.

CHOKE

I haven't touched this blog since November last  year ( like anybody will mind it ), a lot of this and that moments has happened, anyway here i am, 23 years old something in the midst of wet April and just had another Rachel Berry's choke moment. What the heck with this Berry's choke moment from Glee season 3?! it's kinda long story but i got long hours to tell ya. If you're Gleek or sort of watching this musical TV series, you would know that there's episode in season 3 titled "choke". It was an epic-fail moment of Rachel Berry ( Lea Michele) who flunked her chance to get accepted in NYADA ( her dream college for zillion years) while she was doing her song which she practically has sung  it for her whole life ( i forgot the title ) in her audition. So, it comes to our sense that how could this ambitious-obsessed bitch threw her only chance to get closer to her dream just like that? It used to be nothing more than sometimes you-need-to be-thrown into the deepest cliff to know how important to climb out of this and really mean to be on the peak-sort of that message. Furthermore, this just to remind us that you will always find any kinds of troubles that get in a way of your pursuing dreams trial. Hell Berry,  before I'm associating the Berry's choke moment to mine, I'll try to give a brief intro first. I've been working in Japanese company for 5-straight-months ( I've told you in my previous post) and to be honest, other than money, I TRULY HATE THE JOB, sorry God, I'm not playing ungrateful bitch and whining kid role, but I DO HATE IT. Nothing's wrong with the job nor the colleagues, but still deep down my heart I knew it's not my destiny, I'm not supposed to be there. Worse, every time I go to the office which located in Sudirman but close Blok-M, I have to keep my sanity and ability to survive in the most crappy-chaotic public transportation called Commuter Line. I feel like having horror in every single attempt to reach my office by using this mothafucka train. It's getting worse when they changed the train schedule on April 1st, so I have to get up earlier in order to get a chance to get on the train. FUCK. Apparently the horror doesn't want to knock me down once, this April's schedule is also torturing me at my  home way in the  evening. I'm completely dead-walking bitch 5 days 7 to 9 these past 5 months. I knew I had hoping to be employed in my last post, but now I feel terrible ( sorry God if  I'm being such an ungrateful bitch). The Coca-Cola's interview didn't go well, I flunked the chance to be accepted in US scholarship ( they even sent me the rejection letter ) so I ended up in that company for these last 5 months. I'm trying to keep up with the work ethics and rhymes but still have to work my ass off to do so. I finally chose to bend my numbness into the hunts for books and scholarship. I've read some books and most of them not so my preference, yet there some of it were the real deal. At least, I got lotso vocabs to learn and keep my sanity. Scholarship, I'm in the middle of processing my Chinese Hanban scholarship. I'm not really into China-Studying though, but I wanna this scholarship, so I could get out of this boring routine which gradually killing me inside for a moment. In order to apply this Hanban scholarship, I need to get HSK and HSKK certificate ( It's like written and oral TOEFL for Chinese ). I heard that HSK 5 is kinda hard to pass, so me and my fellas took HSK 4. The result was coming this afternoon, and I'm so close to say bye-bye to my application cuz I only got score 181 points ( Pass standard score is 180), It was such a long sigh moment. I did cry, mostly because I knew I'm completely mess, an epic loser who probably won't go anywhere with my petty score.Yet, I have to carry on when the application itself has been completed 99 %. This moment has been sucking up my hope, my source of happiness to stay away from the boring routine or I gotta say the real sweet escape for me. It's totally a real slog, real loss too. I knew I could have done lot better than this, I could have gotten a lot better result than this and keep blaming the computer system when I was doing the written test ( It's totally a massive factor why I got this so low score ), still it won't change anything, the fact that I'm so fricking dumb. Here the choke moment occurred, Rachel Berry, the magnificent yet obsessed singer who has sung for her entire life and totally root to the music, could meet failure and rejection, even the major one, so it's not that impossible to be happened on me. I'm not trying to compare my eagerness to study in China with Berry's passion in music which totally in the wide gap, but still the magnificent still find the failure and no wonder a person like me, the average one, have to experience the failures. Damn, I'm mumbling. Here I am, trying not to hope so much and suppress my eagerness to be pessimistic with my future. 

Mentally Fucked-Up?!

i think i have some kind of metally disorder, not literally. I did delete the most-viewed post accidentally, what a great job for today aside from my fucked-up childish yet accidental act by pressing all the floor buttons in the elevator while a man still stay inside who looked like catch up the time, sort of in hurry.

A Thin Red Line Between Realistic and Surrender

I did finally make my decision, i chose to work in Japanese Trading Company  as the sales administration. It's totally different with my educational background, huh?! at first, i intended to work in totally different field with my study, for specific, i actually wished for working in social or charity purposes world organization ( as it has been told in previous post ) but the reality is kind of difficult for fresh graduate with almost zero experience like me to be employed in that kind of world organization ( based on my observation during my volunteering in UNICEF). Second, only this Japanese company ( so far ) which show their interest to employ me, thus they seem have no intention to make a complicated contract or rules ( they didn't even put some 6000 rupiah-stamp on the signed contract papers, hah! ). So, i did thinking to realize that it's pretty good to experience a job that has quite good salary and not-so binding contract. Speaking of the job itself, only God knows how it will be, i hope it won't make me stress out and most important, the company's ambience will be warm and friendly ( fingers crossed ). I will start work on next wednesday on 3 months probation under the supervisor of automotive part division. One of the saddest part of taking this job offer is i will no longer tutoring Britney and Westley who have been my students since two years ago. Due to the distance from my office to their house which completely far and impossibly catch up the time especially in rush-hours route in the evening, so i sadly determine to stop tutoring them, i wish they could find the way way better tutor than me . I know deep down my heart that i wish for another job, the one that closest to my will is becoming quotation executive in some global travel, but they haven't called me so far, it will be so damn gambling if i turned down the japanese's offer and hoping or waiting uncertain job offer from that travel which i'm quite not believe to happen. I guess i'm becoming unrealistic and greedy day by day. Now, i'm not trying to give up on my dream, i just being realistic and hey.. i need money as well. I keep telling myself that if i wanted to achieve my dreams, i would have to be patience and keep fighting step by step. I won't forget or even back myself off from my dream, but i need to keep it slow for a moment. Moreover, i'm looking forward for bigger plans like waiting and wishing for the result of US scholarship and who knows the job offer in that big soda company. Goodspeed. 

The Object of My Obsession

“Start spreading the news
I am leaving today
I want to be a part of it
New York, New York…”

Geez.. I wish I could say those words someday. Only God and I who really know how it feels like, having this kind of dream yet obsession to be New Yorker.  It was started off by watching teen-flick Hollywood movies when I was in Junior High. Spending my teen phase by watching Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes who were living their American Dreams and zooming in the hilarious life of NYC on screen was nothing but fun. The images of if you could make living in NYC, nothing wouldn’t matter, has been haunting me for years, thus it has encouraged me to have a faith and pursue it no matter how tough it will be. Somehow, I have no idea what kind of things that has made me loving this city, it’s surely a big city, crazy rush-hours in every single day, crowded, crappy as a hell sometimes or always, but still,  I know I always want to go there. You will say that my reason is kind of lame, cheesy and random, but then, that’s the unidentified obsession I have had for so long.  I almost made a way to US last year, but it was like God had to postpone it and found me the better way to be there. So, last year I flunked the chance to study in US. This almost the end year of 2012 I did try one chance to study there but the result hasn’t come yet so far. I wish I could make it ( Hopefully). If I had chance to step on that dream land, I would do Kayang in front of Liberty Statue ( I will surely keep my promise ).  Lastly, I will definitely post that epic-pose photo in every reachable social medias that I have.

Jobseeker

It’s been ages since I wrote my last story, and here I’m writing in the midst of my probably last days of volunteering at UNICEF office, Jakarta. How do I end up volunteering here?! It’s long story indeed, so many things have happened to me, good and bad. This year finally I have completed my 4-years-study in UI, yes, I finally hold S.Hum degree ( fyi S.Hum stands for Sarjana Humaniora) without writing thesis. I chose completing my study by fulfilling the maximum credits instead of writing thesis. It was a confusing decision before, at one point, it was such a waste if I had to graduate without writing thesis, the fruits of my 4 years period of study, the other side, it was a risky thing to write thesis in my condition ( majorly, because of my major ) but overall I got no gut to risk everything ( the deadline of 4 years study, lack of confident, lack of knowledges and so many excuses I could think of ). So, on 7^th September 2012, I’m officially a Sarjana Humaniora, good bye college and hello real world. The real world is truly a fucking hard to be tamed. It can be seen by the long journey that I have taken to be land on this kind of condition. Finding job that both suit your passion and intuition is truly challenging. I used to think that being an employee who wears fancy suit and killer heels and working for some company in Sudirman or Kuningan area would be an ideal job for me. The reality was totally biting me. At first, finding a job which completely different field with your educational background plus lacking of work experience combine with average skill is totally fricking hard. In addition, if u still have the confusion on your passion of work, it’s double hit me on the face. I have been through the phase where I trust my ability to pity my ability and trust it again, so that my emotion was so fluctuate. Even in lebay mode on, I found myself to ask God to make me disappear from this world, mostly because of the pressure and pride of myself. The funny thing is, I wasn’t pushed for finding a perfect or ideal job by my family, they were supporting me in my way to find a good job. All I could think at that time was almost all my friends had already left the start line while me was leaving behind and stuck in that line ( for those jobseekers out there, you must know what my feeling was). At that time, I couldn’t stop comparing myself with them, I really looked at pity at myself. They could be successful in first trial of their job interview while me had to be thrown from one interview to another interview. Thus, I thought I wasn’t a good enough bachelor, so all the employers who have been interviewing me were turning me down. This kind of thought occurred at first months of my post-graduation celebration, consuming me both inside and out.

Speaking of passion, I thought I would end up working in media or broadcast field, but the truth is all I want to do is travelling, and at last being New Yorker. As the time passed by and I have experienced working my ass off for interviewing, moreover observe people who work 8-5 in a week and lot of struggling and thinking in public transportation, I eventually know that I want to work in social and charity purposes at world organization such UNICEF, UNESCO or USAID and so on. As for me, money is surely important and can buy anything you want. Yet that’s not the point, I feel so blessed to have this kind of life, being young and free to experience anything as long as I have will to do so. In addition, what’s is more important than living the happiness by sharing it to the others?!. As the matter of that, I have determined myself to focus on pursuing job that related to that purpose, so that I applied for intern and volunteer in UNICEF. So here I am, landing on the UNICEF office in Jakarta as the volunteer who has to substitute Mba Ratih ( the PSFR assistant due to wedding holiday for less than a month ). It is a good opportunity to know better this organization and well, taste the working ambience as the preparation for the real work later. To be honest, the work itself is kind of boring, it’s fully computer based work. I have to check the names of donors, their available contact numbers and making data around the donors. I don’t get paid for it except the transportation fee and every lunch I have to spend my money for the expensive foods. It’s so ironic but at least I have the experience, getting know a lot of kinds of people from different background who really devote themselves to their precious job. I thought I would have a chance to be employed here, but it’s kind of impossible for fresh graduate like me now. So now, next week I will turn the new page of my life, my new and real job in some Japanese Trading company, I hope it will be a good stepping stone of my career, Amen. Godspeed!